Push
by ambr0isie
Summary: The fallout after Santana's abrupt outing in the McKinley hallways.
1. Chapter 1

Brittany watched Santana race out of the auditorium, her face steaming with tears. Brittany looked at the slight red pigment in Finn's cheek where Santana slapped him. She bit her bottom lip nervously as Rachel began to examine to her boyfriend. "I can't believe she did that!" Rachel shook her head. "She has too much anger."

Kurt and Mercedes walked up to Finn and rubbed his arms while Ms. Corcoran and Mr. Shue talked about what they should do. Finn locked eyes with Brittany and he said, "You need to keep a better control on Santana." Brittany's blood boiled. She was in very thin ice with Finn since he called her an idiot but she could feel the ice cracking under her. She would never forgive Finn for what he did to her girlfriend unless he found some way to make this all better.

The other day, Santana told Brittany about how Finn proclaimed her secret in the hallway and even dared to say that Brittany didn't love Santana back. "Hey, Finn, I do love her." Brittany said back and ran out of the auditorium to find Santana.

Brittany found the brunette crying into the steering wheel of her father's Range Rover in the school parking lot. Brittany lightly tapped on the window with her fingernail. Santana looked up from her hands and wiped her tear stained cheeks. She opened the driver's seat door and fell into Brittany's arms, letting all the emotions out. Brittany smoothed out Santana's hair that was out of the ponytail Brittany did for her earlier that day and kissed her forehead. "Tell me everything." Brittany said.

When Santana stopped hyperventilating, she opened her car door and pulled out the flask she kept her Jack Daniel's in. She took a long sip and wiped her mouth. Brittany took the flask from her when she tried to get another sip. Santana frowned at her girlfriend and pulled a cigarette from her hoodie pocket but before she could light it, Brittany snatched it away from her. The blonde raised an eyebrow and Santana sighed, knowing there was no way to get around answering the question. A fresh wave of tears hit Santana. As they cascaded down her cheeks, they stung and burned her skin.

"When Finn outed me in the hallway, some girl heard and told her uncle who's running against Sue. In his most recent commercial, I was in it. He mentioned...he...he said that I was..."

"A lesbian." Brittany finished. Santana nodded weakly and buried her face into Brittany's shoulder. Brittany's heart ached at the sight of the girl whom she loved crying. She wanted to protect Santana for once instead of the other way around. "I'm gonna fix this, babe. I swear." Brittany promised. She tilted Santana's face up and planted a quick kiss on her lips. "We'll get through this."

"I was going to come out, Britt, for you. I swear I was. Everyone's going to know now." Santana replied pathetically.

"I know, I know," Brittany consoled. "Let me drive you home. I'll stay over, okay?" Santana agreed and got in the passenger seat, giving Brittany the keys. Brittany slipped into the front seat and started up the car, keeping a watchful glance on Santana, who was crying into the dashboard. Brittany put Santana's seatbelt on for her and rubbed her back. "Everything's gonna be okay, baby. You're with me now." Brittany reassured. She pulled out of the parking lot and she drove them to Santana's house.

Brittany managed to open the front door with Santana cradled in her arms because she fell asleep on the car ride over and Brittany couldn't bear to wake her from a dream back to her harsh reality. The smell of chicken wafted through the air and Brittany saw Mrs. Lopez cooking in the kitchen. The older brunette saw Brittany carrying her daughter and raised an eyebrow. "She fell asleep. She's really tired." Brittany replied anxiously. "I'm staying over if that's okay?"

Mrs. Lopez nodded. She wasn't one to talk, Mrs. Lopez, and Brittany wondered if she only knew how to speak Spanish because that was the only language Brittany ever heard her speak in. It was mostly to yell at Santana for doing something. At first it made Brittany uncomfortable but now she got used to it. Brittany climbed up the stairs and a pang of guilt struck her in the gut. Along the wall of the staircase were pictures of the Lopez family. None of them were of Santana. There was no picture of her learning how to ride a bike or going pumpkin picking. Nothing. It was as if Santana didn't even exist. Brittany planted a kiss on Santana's head and continued making her way up the stairs, scurrying away from the unwanted emotion.

The blonde used her back to push open Santana's bedroom door and placed the girlfriend on her unmade bed. Brittany put the clothes and magazines that were strewn across one side of the bed in a pile on the floor. Brittany watched Santana sleep, grateful the brunette wasn't crying anymore. She opened up Santana's dresser and pulled out the clothes she left over here the last time she visited. She kicked off her heels and slipped the pants under dress. Brittany tugged the dress over her head and put on her Cheerio sweatshirt. She looked at herself in the mirror and shook out her hair. Brittany saw Santana shiver in the mirror and the blonde walked over to the bed and smoothed the blanket on top of Santana.

Santana's hand grabbed Brittany's and her eyes flutter open. "Lay with me." Santana ordered pathetically. Brittany sat on the bed and stroked Santana's hand in her own. "Stay with me, please." Santana whimpered, pulling Brittany down on the bed. "Please say you'll stay with me."

"Promise," Brittany whispered, smiling weakly at Santana. Santana linked pinkies with Brittany and smiled in return. Brittany kissed Santana's nose and caressed her face. "I love you." Brittany sighed. Santana's eyes glazed over and she buried her head into Brittany's shoulder and cried again.

"This is supposed to be our year! It's senior year for Christ fucking sake! This isn't fair. It's not fair." Santana shouted, her voice muffled from the covers that she was engulfed in. Brittany nodded and stroked Santana, shushing her with it-will-okay and I-know-sweetie.

Santana finally sat up and reached to her bedside table for her ibuprofen. She shook out four and gulped them down with a flask under her bed. Brittany gave Santana a disapproving look. "I don't like when you do that."

"Yeah, well I don't like being called a...lesbian...in a hallway." Santana snapped back. "If I want to take all these pain killers I can." She picked up a bottle of acetaminophen and pulled out two. Brittany snatched them away from her and grabbed the flask before Santana could compensate.

"I love you." Santana locked eyes with Brittany as her lip quivered. "I love you to the point where I won't let you get seriously hurt from taking fifty pills." Brittany answered. She reached across Santana and grabbed the bottle. "Not under my watch." Santana scoffed at Brittany's statement as Brittany put the pills away.

"You don't love me like how I love you. Finn made me realize that." Santana said, looking away from Brittany. She crosses her arms and bit down her bottom lip. She peeked over her shoulder to see how the blonde reacted. "I'm incapable of being loved. My therapist told me. Everyday I'm starting to agree with her more and more." Santana whispered. "No one in glee club actually likes me. My parents don't even like me! My own goddamn parents. They're supposed to love you no matter what, right?" Santana let the tears stream down her face. She sniffed and continued, "So how come when I do something that I think is great, like making captain of the Cheerios or passing that really hard US Government test, they don't care. But when I'm violent and loud, they see me for once even if it's only as their bitch daughter."

Brittany scooted over closer to Santana and took her in her arms. "Don't think that way. Even if you think no one in this world is with you, I'm here. No matter what happens. I'll always love you, Santana. From the bottom of my heart, I solemnly swear." Brittany whispered.

"I just can't believe this is happening." Santana wailed. Brittany rocked back and forth with Santana and kissed her repeatedly on her head until Santana fell asleep in her arms. If only she could stay in Brittany's arms forever.

Santana woke up three hours later still in Brittany's arms. Brittany was softly snoring next to her. Her pink, parted lips called to Santana but she fought the urge. She didn't deserve someone like Brittany. She didn't deserve anyone. Her headache flared up again and she reached over to Brittany's side and got her acetaminophen and flask. Santana got up and walked to her bathroom. She took three pills and finished the burning liquor. She took a glimpse of herself in the mirror and started to cry. She was useless and incapable of being loved. Brittany lied to her. No one loved her. Santana opened her jewelry box and lifted up the small compartment and took out a razor. She turned on the faucet and held her right wrist under the scalding hot water.

Santana traced the outline of her vein with her finger and sliced it open with the razor. Her wrist started to sting as her crimson blood filled the porcelain sink. The water washed down the red liquid, leaving only faint remnants of the incident. She felt no pain and her reality started to kick in again. Santana sliced another part of her wrist, again and again. No pain. "Why can't I feel anything?" She asked herself. Santana looked over at her bathtub and turned on the water. The tub filled up quickly and she peeled off her clothing and sat in it. The blood was seeping out of her wrist down and she started to feel lightheaded. That wasn't what she wanted. She wanted to feel pain. Real pain.

She gripped her razor tightly in her hands, scratching and drawing blood. She cut her stomach and made tally marks on her legs. Pain, she was feeling it now. She let the water run, not bothering to turn it off. Santana let her blood turn the water a murky red and immersed herself in it. She held her breath as long as she could. Her mind fogged up and got very cloudy. Euphoria, she thought. No one will even miss me. I am no one.

Brittany woke up without Santana in her arms and the water running in the bathroom. Brittany got up and noticed the pill bottle and vodka was gone. "Oh my god!" She raced to the bathroom and saw Santana laying the tub in red, murky water. The water was still running to the point where it was about to overflow. "Santana!" Brittany yelled. She knelt by the tub and reached in and grabbed Santana, who hadn't regained consciousness. Brittany saw the cuts along her body and cringed at the sight. She carried Santana back into her room and put a robe on her.

"Mrs. Lopez! Mrs. Lopez, please help me! Mrs. Lopez! Oh my god!" Brittany wailed. She held Santana in her arms and tried to shake her awake. "Please Santana, don't do this. Wake up! I love you. Don't do this." Brittany begged, kissing Santana's lips, hoping that it would wake her up just like it did in Snow White. Nothing happened. Santana's lips were cold and changing into a faint blue tint. "Santana, you can't die! I love you." Brittany begged in Santana's ear. She shook Santana's limp body but got no response.

Mrs. Lopez charged through the door and saw her daughter unconscious in Brittany's arm. "Mija!" Mrs. Lopez exclaimed. She pulled out her phone and dialed 911. "My daughter is not waking up!" Mrs. Lopez yelled into the phone. She looked at Brittany and said, "Come on, we're going to the hospital." Brittany picked up Santana and walked with Mrs. Lopez to her car. Brittany never was one to pray but that night she called to any god that would listen.


	2. Chapter 2

Dr. Lopez arrived at the twenty minutes after Santana was admitted in the hospital. He nodded his head to acknowledge Brittany and went to aid his wife. Kurt arrived a couple minutes afterward and sat with the crying blonde. "What happened?" He asked her.

"I don't know. I fell asleep and when I woke up, her flask and a bottle of pills was missing. I went to the bathroom and she was in the tub, unconscious, in bloody water. She had cuts all over her body, Kurt! I couldn't help her. I'm supposed to protect her." Brittany whimpered. Kurt pouted and rubbed Brittany's back.

"You managed to get her here. You did protect her. She was probably going to do this anyway; you made sure she got to a hospital, Brittany." Kurt consoled.

"No, Kurt! If I'm supposed to protect her, I shouldn't have to carry her limp, lifeless body out of a bloody tub!" Brittany yelled. Dr. and Mrs. Lopez looked over at Brittany rather startled. Brittany wailed in her hands and pressed her head into Kurt's shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and rocked the heartbroken girl.

"You really love her, don't you?" Kurt whispered.

"More than you know." Brittany replied. Kurt nodded and continued to rub her back. Dr. and Mrs. Lopez sat there quietly awaiting the news of her daughter.

Three hours passed. People with injured foots or cuts induced my metal came and went but no news from the progress of Santana. The one television in the Lima hospital waiting room had bad reception and only made the situation worse. "Can someone turn that damn television off?" Brittany yelled, seeing the channel four news was talking about suicidal teenagers. Kurt turned off the television seeing it was the only thing in his power to make Brittany a little bit happier. Kurt took his seat next to Brittany again and offered her some of his coffee which she denied.

"What if she died, Kurt?" Brittany figured, running her figures through her hair. "She's my best friend. I trust her with my life. Hell, she is my life! If she's gone, I would have nothing to live for. I would kill myself." Brittany whispered the last part but Kurt still heard her.

"Santana is stubborn, hard headed, and persistent. Whatever is going on in that room, she's not giving it the satisfaction of it taking her. She's fighting back!" Kurt admitted. He'd never been close with Santana and in reality he didn't know why he came. Maybe it was he wanted to help her through this massive obstacle. He didn't have someone help in early on and he wanted Santana to have that. Maybe it would change how she looked at life.

"Kurt, I know you're not religious or anything but could you pray with me?" Brittany dared to ask.

Kurt nodded and took her hand in his. He closed his eyes and at first he didn't know how. _Hey, it's Kurt. I know I don't talk to you that often. Actually, I never do but this is important. This girl, Brittany, she's in a lot of pain right now because the girl she loves is in the hospital. I know you look down upon homosexual relationships even though it's still love no matter the gender. Even though I find you a bit of a hypocrite, I want Santana to be okay. I really do. Brittany is torn up inside. I've never seen her this way before and it's because of Santana. If Santana doesn't come out alive, Brittany's going to be at your gates soon enough. So spare Santana, for Brittany's sake. _

"Dr. Lopez," a young nurse said. Dr. Lopez looked up and feigned a smile. "Your daughter is fine. She lost a lot of blood and we were able to get out some of the pain killers out of her system or else she would have succumbed to an overdose. There are also traces of alcohol in her blood, which isn't a good sign either. She's awake now and we've been giving her blood. You guys can see her now."

Santana's parents got up and followed the nurse. Kurt held onto Brittany's hand and guided her into Santana's room. She was extremely pale and needed sleep. Her dark eyes looked hollowed out and glazed over. Her hair fell messily across the pillow and her body shivered when the door opened. She was connected to the heart monitor and was being given blood through IVs. Santana smiled at Brittany but frowned when she saw Kurt. Brittany went to

Santana's side and grabbed her hand. She kissed Santana's weak hand fervently. "You're okay."

"Ay dios mio, Santana!" Mrs. Lopez yelled. "Que diablos te pasa? Usted hace estas cosas estúpidas para la atencion!" _Oh my god, Santana. What the hell did you do? You do these stupid things for attention. _

"Mrs. Lopez, Santana just gained consciousness. I don't think this is the right time to yell at her." Kurt said, trying to calm the livid, older Lopez down.

The older Latina's eyes darted straight to Kurt, puncturing him with the daggers she had in her mocha orbs. "Who the hell are you? You think you can come here and tell me how to raise my daughter."

"Ma, stop it." Santana whispered. "Leave him alone, please. He's a friend." Santana choked out. Brittany caressed Santana's hand and nodded at Mrs. Lopez.

Dr. Lopez walked over to Santana's bedside and planted a kiss on her head. "I'm just happy that you're okay. You're my only child and I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I lost you." He whispered. He looked over at his wife. "Your mother is just a bit upset that you're in here. That's all." Dr. Lopez grabbed Santana's other hand and kissed it.

"Ay, Stefan, why are you babying her?" Mrs. Lopez spat. "I think you're forgetting why she's in here. Your daughter is self destructive."

Dr. Lopez's eyes darted over to his wife and he gripped Santana's hand tighter, not enough to hurt her though. "She's your daughter too! You can't drop her on me when she does something you do not like! You're just as much responsible as I am. So shut up and be thankful that she's not dead."

Mrs. Lopez straightened her shoulders and looked Santana square in the eye. "She is your daughter, not mine. I lost that beautiful, little girl a long time ago and I don't know where she is anymore. I saw her change before my eyes. My precious little girl died before my eyes and was replaced with _her_. So the girl I see now is better off dead." Mrs. Lopez turned on her heel and stormed out of the room, her heels clicking against the white hospital floors.

"Mom," Santana croaked out. "Mom, come back!" The tears welled in her eyes as her father let go of her hand. Dr. Lopez raced out of the room, calling his wife's name. Santana looked over at Brittany and sniffed. "I told you. I told you that she didn't love me." Santana whispered.

"Shh, Santana, all that matters right now is that you're still alive." Brittany replied, caressing Santana's forehead.

"I should go. It wasn't my place to come." Kurt said, backing out. "I'm glad you're okay, Santana, I really am." Kurt bowed his head and smiled slightly.

"Wait, Kurt, can you stay?" Santana mumbled. "I just need to know someone besides Brittany actually cares for me." Kurt nodded and walked over to Santana's bedside. He pulled a chair over to her side and sat down. Santana scooted over and Brittany climbed in the small hospital bed with her.

Brittany wrapped her arms around Santana and rocked her back and forth. She occasionally kissed Santana's cheek when Kurt was too busy scoffing at the horrible room color. Kurt observed the blankets on the bed and shook his head. "Santana, if you stay in this hospital for more than two days, I will have to bring you proper sheets because this is hideous." He grabbed Santana's hand and they laughed in unison, forgetting for only a moment that they were in a hospital. Kurt got up and changed the channel on the small hospital television.

"Are you mad?" Santana whispered to Brittany, looking up into her blue eyes.

Brittany nodded. "I'm not going to think about it, though. I'm just glad that I don't have to hold your lifeless body in arms." Brittany whispered back. Kurt stood on his tip toes trying to find the Donna Karen fashion show that was supposed to be on every prime time television channel but he still couldn't find it. "I love you, Santana, to the very bottom of my heart."

Kurt sighed and found the Victoria's Secret fashion show. "Not what I was looking for," He mumbled to himself.

"I love you, too." Santana mumbled and pressed her lips against Brittany's, a smile spreading across both their faces. Kurt turned around and nodded his approval at the two. Kurt flopped on the edge of the bed, breaking the kiss apart.

"Girls, you're making me miss my boyfriend. So stop the kissing and let's watch some TV, okay?" Kurt said melodically. Brittany and Santana nodded.

Santana looked up at the television and saw scantily clad women with wings prancing around a glitter filled runway. "Really, Kurt, you're having me watch the Victoria's Secret fashion show?" She bit her bottom lip and averted her eyes from Adriana Lima.

"Now you can tell me what type of girl you like?" Kurt joked. He reached over to the chair he was sitting in for his bag and pulled out a chocolate bar. He unwrapped it and broke the bar into thirds. He gave a piece to each girl and smiled.

"I've got mine," Santana replied, pulling Brittany in close and kissing her lightly on the cheek, making Brittany giggle like a school girl. "She's all I need."


	3. Chapter 3

Brittany walked into school the next day even though she wanted to be at the hospital with Santana. Her girlfriend told her to go to school and get all her books for her. Kurt and Brittany decided that they would go see Santana at lunch. The first half of the day seemed to drone on without Santana there. "Hey," Finn cheered, passing her in the hallway. He didn't know what happened to Santana because Kurt promised her not to tell Finn. "Where'd you go after your _girlfriend_ slapped me?" Finn asked with arrogance. He said 'girlfriend' as though he didn't believe they were dating.

Brittany slammed her locker door and glared at Finn. "I went to go console her." Brittany snapped back.

"Why are you consoling her? I'm the one who got slapped in the face." Finn retorted, showing Brittany his still reddened cheek. His skin always did keep its changes in pigment.

"You're about to get slapped again if you don't shut up." Brittany cocked her head to the side, mimicking Santana's usual head gesture.

"Why are you so angry with me?" Finn asked. Brittany scoffed and turned on her heel but Finn grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back.

"First, you call me an idiot, then you out my girlfriend in school just because she made a few fat jokes. You knew she was joking." Brittany replied, crossing her arms. Finn shook his head, disagreeing with what she was saying. "I know you don't realize the impact you made on her life. When you outed her in the hallway, the niece of some candidate for office heard. He's using it in his next commercial against Sue. You did this, Finn. Now you have to make it right."

Brittany saw Kurt wave at her at the end of the hallway. "I'll let that sink in. I hope you know you ruined someone's life." Brittany tapped Finn on the shoulder and skipped over to Kurt.

Brittany and Kurt entered Santana's hospital room and saw her sitting upright. Her hair was nicely combed and braided to the side, her eyes were wide and alert, and the face was full of life. "You look so much better!" Brittany exclaimed. She ran over to Santana, grabbed her face in her hands, and kissed her.

"Ow," Santana whined. Brittany got up and smoothed on the sheets with a pout on her face. Santana pulled Brittany by the fringe on her Cheerios' skirt and kissed her again.

"Ahem." Kurt cleared his throat to make his presence known. "I know you girls have some catching up to do but for my sake save that for when Santana's 100% better." Kurt walked over to Santana and petted her head. "You do look great though." Kurt admitted. He placed two bags on her bed and pulled out its contents. "These are Missoni sheets! I got them for you. Your sense of color is impeccable so I knew these sheets would be perfect for you."

"Thank you, Kurt, but you didn't have to get me these. Keep them." Santana replied, pulling in Kurt for a hug.

"I had Blaine snag me some before this drugged out Anna Nicole type woman got to them." Kurt said with a laugh. He pushed the sheets toward Santana. "These are for you. Let's put them on." Kurt encouraged.

Santana got out of the bed gingerly and held on to the side of it while Kurt tore off the hospital sheets and replaced them with the colorful striped sheets he bought. Brittany reached in her bag and pulled out Santana's clothes. "These were in your gym locker. Do you need help putting them on?" Brittany asked.

Santana walked around the bed and took the clothes from Brittany. She winced when her leg grazed on the rough fabric on Brittany's skirt. Santana didn't let anyone come in her room to dress her cuts. She didn't want anyone to see them. Santana nodded weakly. She grabbed Brittany's hand and pulled her into the bathroom.

Brittany shut the door behind her while Santana peeled the hospital gown off of her body. Brittany turned her head slightly. "What's wrong? You've seen me naked before." Santana shrugged. Santana slipped on her underwear and Soffe shorts and pulled her blue polo shirt over her head.

"Not like this. Not with those scars all over your body." Brittany remarked. "Why?" Brittany looked Santana in the eye. "Why did you do it?"

"Because no one loves me and no one appreciates me," Santana snapped back, crossing her arms. There, she openly admitted to why she attempted 'suicide'. She never fully believed Brittany when she said, 'I love you', Santana always thought Brittany would say it just to say it, not knowing the real depth to its meaning.

"Hello, I'm standing right here! Do you not see how much I love you? What do I have to do to show you that? Do I need to cut myself too? Do I need to overdose? Do I have to _die_ to make you realize that?" Brittany yelled.

Santana took a step back, her mouth open in shock. She'd never seen Brittany this way before. Brittany had never gotten angry with her.

"I love you more than I love myself, Santana. If you needed an arm, I would cut mine off and give it to you but you can't see that. You're stuck in this damn oblivion that no one cares about you. Why is Kurt here? Because he has nothing better to do? No, he wants to know that you're okay because he cares about you. Mercedes cares about you. Quinn cares about you. Even Rachel does but she has a weird way of showing it." Brittany yelled.

"You don't love me like how I love you. I do everything I do for you. The other night, I did that because your life would be easier without me in it." Santana whispered.

"My god, Santana! Have you not heard anything I just said? I would die without you!" Brittany shouted.

Santana shook her head. "No, you could bounce back from it. You're strong enough to do so. You don't need me in your life. No one does."

"Oh my fucking god, Santana, just shut up! Stop being such a brat!" Brittany yelled but immediately regretted it.

"Leave!" Santana said. Brittany shook her head and took a step towards Santana but she put her hands up in front of her. "Get out! I never want to see you again." Santana yelled.

"Babe, I'm sorry. I'm just upset. Please, I didn't mean it. I love you." Brittany replied, tears streaming down her face.

"No, fuck you! Get the fuck out of my room!" Santana yelled again. When Brittany stood there, Santana pushed past her and flopped on her bed. Kurt stiffened as Brittany came out in tears.

Brittany looked at Kurt. "I have t-to go. I'll s-see you b-b-back at school, Kurt. Bye," She managed to say in between heavy breaths. She ran out of the room, the squeaks of her sneakers and her cries filling the corridor.

"What did you do to her?" Kurt asked, instantly outraged.

"She called me a brat, so I told her to leave." Santana replied, summing up the conversation. Kurt raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips, knowing Santana wasn't giving him the whole truth. "Look, I know you don't want to be here. I'm sure Brittany forced you to come. Since she's gone, you can leave."

"You're so guarded." Kurt blurted out. "That explains why what you're going through is tough. Now that everyone will know that you're a lesbian, you feel like you need to put up five other walls to block people out and now you're blocking out the one person who would die for you: Brittany." Kurt said. "Can I ask you something?"

Santana shrugged. "You're not leaving so you might as well."

"Did you want to kill yourself?" Kurt asked. Santana nodded slightly. "You want Brittany to be happy and reach her full potential?" Santana nodded again. "You thought that if you were gone, she could do it?" Santana nodded. "When we were waiting to hear the news, she told me that if you were to die, she would kill herself. She can't reach the potential that you want her to if she kills herself, right?"

"Jesus Christ, Kurt, I get it. If I were dead, she would kill herself and my heroic attempt to make Brittany's life easier would be futile." Santana sighed. "I just want her to be happy."

"She was happy with you. She was so glad to see you alive. At school, she was looking forward to seeing you. On the way here, she couldn't stop talking about the first time you kissed, your first date. She loves you but because you don't love yourself, you're rejecting the idea of anyone loving you." Kurt replied. "You need to go get your girlfriend."

"I doubt we're girlfriends anymore. I made her cry. I've never made her cry. I promised myself after her and Artie broke up that I never wanted to see her like that but I broke that promise today." Santana said, taking her head in her hands. "I'm a horrible person." Santana stated with seriousness in her tone. "I don't deserve someone like her."

Kurt paced around the small hospital room. The longer Santana bitched and moaned about how she doesn't deserve Brittany is one second closer to Brittany realizing it too. "Santana, I'm going to say something and you're not going to like it but you need to hear it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop feeling like you don't deserve anything. Everyone needs someone. Your someone is Brittany." Kurt went off. He was getting more and more frustrated with Santana. He wanted to help her genuinely but you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

"No, Kurt, I'm alone. She's not going through what I am!" Santana shouted back, seething with rage. Everyone was ganging up on her. She was the victim.

"So because you're alone, you're pushing her away. You can only push so much, Santana, before she stops coming back and then you'll really be alone!" Kurt countered, he put his hands on his hips and stomped his foot.

Santana got off the bed and took a deep breath. "You don't know me, Kurt." Santana said in a hushed tone.

Kurt raised his chin and looked down at Santana. "You're right. No one will ever really know you, Santana, because you don't want anyone to know you. And when you need help, you push people away because you don't want them to know the root of your pain. You push and push until there's no one there. One day, you're going to wish you hadn't." Kurt turned on his heel, grabbed his bag and left the room.


	4. Chapter 4

Santana left the hospital the next day. Her parents, Brittany, nor Kurt came to pick her up so she called a cab service before she left to take her home. She sat in the backseat of the cab, her mind still reeling with Kurt's words. He was right. He was always right and that's what killed Santana. She didn't want to be figured out or picked out and prodded like an experiment. That's why she hated going to that therapist her father set up for her. She only went once because the first session was free and her father didn't want to waste money on something Santana didn't take seriously.

_Her first session was on a Saturday, she skipped Cheerios practice –much to Sue's dismay and took the bus over to the doctor's office because it was near the only mall in Lima and she didn't want anyone to spot her white Range Rover. She donned oversized sunglasses, baggy jeans and a sweatshirt she found in her dad's closet. Santana even wore her hair in a braid down her back for extra security. _

_ Santana sat down nervously in the brown office and stared at the woman across from her, who wore a fake smile. "Hi, Santana, I'm Dr. Emerson. Your dad and I went to college together. We were very close." _

_ The idea of her father and another woman besides her mother seemed likely but repulsed her. "Did he fuck you?" Santana asked bluntly. "He fucked a lot of women in college. At times I think my mother isn't my actual mother because he's had so many relations." _

_ The therapist stiffened up and feigned a cough. "That's something that shouldn't be discussed." _

_ "He did. I can tell by the look in your eyes." Santana noticed. She picked up on things like that. She noted when she made people uncomfortable. "Look, as you can tell I'm probably going to be a pain in the ass and you won't be the first person not to like me. And if things work out as they're planned, I won't like you either. So why don't you do some doctor stuff on another patient and I'll sit here and do nothing." _

_ Dr. Emerson jotted something down. "People don't like you? Why is that? You're a beautiful, intelligent, witty girl." _

_ "Whoa, Emerson, you have to take me out to dinner first." Santana nodded her head at the uncomfortable therapist. _

_ "Who doesn't like you? There has to be reason for your teen angst. Sometimes it's the usual, cliché shit but with you, I think this is something beyond that." Dr. Emerson said. _

_ Santana put her feet up on the long sofa and popped her gum, not willing to disclose any information with this woman. "How about this, I ask you a question and you'll answer and then you can ask me something." Dr. Emerson offered. _

_ Santana shrugged. "What's your first name?" _

_ "Penelope," She replied. "Why don't people like you?" _

_ "I don't know because I'm a manipulative bitch and a slut that sleeps with her friends' boyfriends. But in my defense, I never slept with my friends' _current_ boyfriends; they were taking a break from each other." Santana answered. "Did you and my dad used to date? You look like his type." _

_ Penelope laughed and nodded. "It was only for a month." She added. "You said you've slept with your friends' boyfriends? If you're their friend, why would you sleep with their boyfriend?" _

_ "Because I like sex and I get what I want, it's that simple." Santana snapped, pulling out her phone. _

_ Penelope scratched her head and wrote down another detail in her notebook. "Can I ask you about your friends?" Penelope asked. Santana nodded. "Tell me about them. Their names, what you like to do with them, your relationship with them, that kind of stuff," _

_ Santana nodded and tried to think of the members of glee club because they were her only real friends but in the process she realized none of them really liked her except for Brittany and maybe Quinn and Mercedes. "Well there's Mercedes. She normally talks to me when she needs something from me. I hated her throughout sophomore year because she tried stealing my man along with Quinn. Quinn's my friend too, kind of. We were on the Cheerios together. I slept with the father of her bastard child. I've known her for ages. And then there's Brittany," Santana smiled brightly. Penelope jotted down the name, 'Brittany'. "She's wonderful. She's my best friend." _

_ "What do you like to do with her? If you say get drunk or high, I won't hold it against you." Penelope said. _

_ "We go parties a lot. We're on Cheerios together. We have a lot of the same classes. She's perfect." _

_ "It seems like she makes you very happy." Penelope added with a smile. _

_ "Yeah, she does." Santana opened up a picture of her, Brittany, and Lord Tubbington on her phone and thrust it at Penelope. "That's Brittany." She swiped her finger, knowing every picture in her photo album by heart. "This is a picture of me and Brittany getting ready for prom." Swipe. "This is Brittany at the prom. Doesn't she look beautiful there?" Santana asked in awe, her eyes glazing over at the thought of the blonde, blue-eyed supernova that captured her heart. _

_ "Can I ask you something else? And please, answer me seriously. I know with a topic like this, it's hard for girls to open up about it because with girls it's seen as a joke." Penelope started. Santana furrowed her brow, not knowing what to anticipate. "Are you in love with Brittany?" _

_ "Of course I love her, she's my best friend." Santana replied quickly. She withdrew her phone and looked around the room suspiciously. _

_ "No, but are you in love with her?" Penelope asked again._

_ "I can't be in love with Brittany. She's Brittany…" Santana whispered. She looked down at her hands and sighed. _

_ "I know I shouldn't just make a false assumption about you even though I get paid for it but the way you talk about Brittany is how I felt talking about my first love to one of my friends. The way you couldn't help but smile when you said her name or how your voice got sweeter." _

_ "I can't love Brittany because I'm a girl and she's a girl." Santana snapped. "Even if it became socially accepted in Ohio, I don't deserve anyone like her. Have you not been listening? She's the beauty and I'm the beast!" Santana pushed her bangs behind her ear and sighed in frustration. "How many minutes do we have left?" _

_ Penelope checked her phone, "Thirty," She jotted done a few more notes on what Santana said and her heart ached for the troubled teenage girl. It was hard enough being a girl and now Santana had to worry about her sexuality. Santana coughed lightly. "Do you need something to drink?" Penelope got up and walked over to her mini fridge. Inside there was nothing special just a couple of Chobani yogurts, a half empty Red Bull, and three Coronas. _

_ "I'll take a Corona." Santana replied. Penelope shook her head, "No," Santana scoffed.  
>"Why the hell not? You and I both know that I've drank before. It'll be a secret. Isn't this whole thing supposed to be private?" Santana prodded. <em>

_ Penelope closed the fridge and sat back down. "Penelope, it's beer. If anything it'll help me loosen up and give you more things to work with." Santana added, pursing her lips. _

_ "No, Santana, I can't." She replied firmly. _

_ Santana pouted. "Fine," She crossed her arms and blew another bubble. "Do you have any more questions?" _

_ "Can I ask you about the nature of your relationships with your peers not your parents?" Penelope asked. _

_ "Okay, uh, well, I dated this guy, Puck, in sophomore year. I broke up with him, though, but I still slept with him for the rest of the year and half of junior year too until he met that rhino, Zizes. I slept with Finn which then resulted to Finn and Rachel breaking up. I caused Quinn and Sam to break up then I dated him. I fooled around with Brittany for about three or four years. I started dating this guy named Kurofsky. We didn't do anything though. He's gay." _

_ "You knew he was gay but still dated him? Why?" Penelope asked, looking at Santana intently and jotting down in her notebook furiously. _

_ Santana sighed. She knew it was going to come back to this eventually. She didn't see the harm in telling Penelope the real reason why she dated Kurofsky. Anything said in here was supposed to be private. No one will know. "Because I'm too afraid to say that one word," Santana mumbled. Penelope's eyes widened as she thought she was going to break through to Santana. "I'm too afraid to accept that I'm this one word." Santana continued. She closed her eyes and held her breath._ _"Lesbian," Santana whispered. "I can't be." _

_ Her voice choked up and she started to laugh. "You know, this boy at my school got picked on by Kurofsky a lot to the point where the kid transferred. Kurofsky said he was going to kill him because he was gay. Now, Kurt never did anything to anyone and someone threatened to kill him. I've been a bitch since freshman year; imagine what they'd do to me! Here's the funny part, I deserve it! All of it. It's like karma is finally catching up with me, you know?" _

_ Penelope sat quietly in her chair and looked at Santana with concern. She didn't know how to interpret Santana's statement into a way where it didn't sound like she hated herself. Penelope wrote down a few details and read them over. She looked back at Santana, who was staring at Penelope's PhD on the wall behind her. Penelope looked down at her phone and saw that their time was up. "Time's up, Santana," Penelope put her pen down. _

_ "What's my diagnostic, Doc?" Santana asked, putting her feet on the floor and slipping her phone into her back pocket. She didn't really want to know about her problems but she knew that Penelope was bound to tell her anyway. _

_ "You are a very complex girl, Santana," Penelope started. _

_ "I could have told you that." Santana replied with a laugh. "Continue," _

_ "You don't think you deserve to be happy and you think if happiness is coming your way, it's not real so you push it away. But when you push, Santana, you eventually lose that happiness. And when you want it back, you can't have it back, which leads to your constant need to take your friends' boyfriends. You're trying to compensate for your loss." Penelope answered. Santana nodded, even though she wanted to disagree with what she was saying. "Keeping your sexuality a secret will only hurt you more, Santana. You need to come to grips with yourself and learn to accept yourself for who you are: a beautiful, smart, talented girl! You're not just that one word and don't let it define you because you're much more than that!" _

_ Santana stood up and smiled at Penelope. The therapist reached over to her desk and handed Santana a card. "It's got my phone number, email address, and my home address for my at home patients. Whenever you need someone to talk to, I'm here." Penelope encouraged. Santana nodded, weakly. _

_ Santana took a step forward until she met Penelope eye to eye. She pulled Penelope into a hug and let her tears, stream silently down her face. "Damn you and your PhD." Santana mumbled. _

_ Penelope snickered and rubbed Santana's back. They released from the embrace but Penelope held on to Santana's shoulders. "Santana, I mean it, whenever you need help, I'm here. I don't care if you're drunk and in Indiana. You can call me." _

_ "Thanks. It means a lot." Santana whispered. "Congrats, you're one of the first adults I like and you didn't have to use alcohol to get me to talk to you." Santana wiped a tear from under her eye and laughed. _

_ "You're not too bad yourself." Penelope replied. Santana nodded again and turned on her heel. She paused by the door and looked over her shoulder, "My dad's got good taste," and left. _

Santana shook her head and coughed. "You okay?" The cabbie asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Could you do me a favor? I changed my mind. Take me to 17th and Grove." Santana replied, looking at the card Penelope gave her three months ago.

* * *

><p>Brittany had to ride her sister's bike to the hospital because her mother drove the car to the supermarket. Brittany raced to the hospital as fast as she could. She had to see Santana even if it was the last thing she could do. She couldn't stand that Santana could hate her after what she said to her. She had to make things right.<p>

Brittany hopped off her pink, flowery bike and dropped it on the concrete. She pushed open the door and ran to the front desk. A doctor with a blue file in his hand looked at Brittany and smiled. "Santana Lopez, is she here?" Brittany panted.

"Who?" The doctor asked. He walked over to the computer, preparing to type in the patient's name.

"Santana," Brittany yelled. "She was brought in here a couple days ago. She was unconscious. Santana! She's got black hair, dark brown eyes! God, her name is Santana!" Brittany exclaimed.

The doctor furrowed his brow and typed the name in. "Ah, we've got a Santana Lopez in the database." He replied. "Oh, I'm sorry, she checked out about an hour ago."

Brittany's jaw dropped. She put her hands on her hips and paced back and forth. "No, she was here yesterday! She couldn't have left! Not without me," Brittany stated but then she remembered that they weren't anything anymore. Brittany placed her hands on the desk, forcefully. "Was anyone with her? Like a boy with too tight jeans and maybe a fur parka or something? Like something a unicorn would wear?"

The doctor looked at Brittany and shook his head. He walked around the desk and gripped Brittany's shoulders and saw that her pupils were a bit dilated and her eyes were red. "To be blunt, are you on something, dear?" He asked concerned.

"No," Brittany shouted and pushed past him, running in the direction of Santana's hospital room. "Santana! Santana, I'm sorry!" Brittany screamed, coming to an abrupt halt at Santana's room door. She wasn't there. Nothing was there. It was like she never was in the hospital in the first place. The sheets Kurt got her were gone, the placard by the door with her name on it was gone, and she was gone.

The nurse Brittany saw the day Santana was admitted walked past her. "Hey," Brittany called out, her voice shaking. The pixie like nurse spun around and smiled at Brittany. "Have you seen Santana?" She asked.

"Who's Santana?" The nurse asked.

The blood in Brittany's veins started to boil. Why does no one seem to remember the girl whose case seemed to look like a suicide? The realization started to kick in. She understood what Santana meant. There were no photos, Santana's mom storming out, now at the hospital. "Never mind," Brittany spat. She grimaced at the nurse and ran back outside.

"I have to find her," Brittany whispered to herself. "I've got to."

* * *

><p><strong>Hey guys, I've been working on some other pieces so that's why my updates are slowing down. Feel free to give me any type of constructive criticisms, suggestions or things you might want to see in the upcoming chapters. xx <strong>


	5. Chapter 5

Santana finally got the courage to rap the knocker on the oak door. "Deep breath, Santana, you got this. It's not even a big deal," She told herself. Penelope opened the door, with one headphone in. She was bopping up in down, wearing a pink zipper hoodie and black spandex shorts. "My, my, my, if it isn't Miss Santana Lopez," Penelope cooed. "I'm in the middle of my Pilates workout."

"Oh, do you need me to go? I can leave." Santana replied, prepared for Penelope to be like everyone else and shoo her away.

"No, come in." Penelope stepped aside and Santana walked in hesitantly. "How have you been?" Penelope closed the door behind her and cut in front of Santana to turn off the television, which showed three to five girls stretching. Penelope sat down on one end of the loveseat and patted the empty space next to her, beckoning Santana to sit next to her. "Are you cold?" Penelope asked, looking at Santana's bare legs.

Santana covered her cut up leg with her hand and shook her head. "I'm fine, thanks." Santana replied. She sat down and pulled the pillow over her legs.

"Do you want anything to drink? No beer, of course." Penelope joked. Santana shook her head and stared at the pictures of Penelope with a few of the same people: a gorgeous girl with long, red hair and green eyes that reminded Santana of a pin-up version of Ariel, a weird Ricky Martin look-a-like with a slightly bigger nose, and a guy that looked like her dad in the nineties.

"Those are really great shots." Santana said, pointing to a picture of Penelope and "Ariel" back to back, looking at the camera over their shoulder. Penelope's gray eyes and "Ariel's" green ones made the black and white photo pop.

"Thanks. That's my younger sister, Marianna." Penelope said. "So what's up? How have you been? How's school and the Cheerios?" Penelope stopped and laughed. "I'm acting like I'm meeting an old friend."

"Are you?" Santana asked. "I mean I could have easily thrown your card away right after the session but I kept it because you were the closet person I ever told anything to. So, yeah, I guess you are." Penelope grabbed Santana's hand and grinned. "But, yeah, I'm in a bit of a situation right now and I have no one to talk to. It's like the world said, 'Hey, Santana's unhappy again but let's take it one step further.'" Santana whimpered, her eyes watering in the tear ducts.

"What's going on?" Penelope asked.

"My Cheerios coach, Sue, is running for office and this guy running against her has a niece at my school. So, three fucking days ago, Finn, you remember Finn, right? Well he outed me in the hallway and his niece heard. She told that guy and he put me in his commercial. It's going to be all over Ohio! I haven't even told my parents!" Santana cried. "They wouldn't even care anyway. I'm dead to my mom. She left me in the hospital the other night."

"Why were you in the hospital?"

"I cut myself repeatedly." Santana replied. She got up and lifted her polo slightly and showed the cuts along the side of her body. Penelope winced at the red tally marks against Santana's skin. "I took too many painkillers with Jack, I went unconscious, and I could have died from an overdose. My girlfriend says she loves me but doesn't mean it. And I'm pretty sure my relationship with her is over. She was my one shot to being happy and she's gone! I pushed her away." Santana wailed, collapsing back on the coach and bringing her knees to her chest. "It's all my fault." She rocked back and forth, which caused her to cry even harder because Brittany would do the same for her.

Penelope got up and walked down the hall. She came back a couple minutes later with a mug. "It's chamomile tea." She handed it to Santana. "Why don't you think she loves you?"

Santana paused. "Because you fucking told me that I think I don't deserve to be happy. So whenever she says she loves me, I get happy, but then, I think I can't be. So I don't believe her." She took a sip of the tea and almost burned her tongue but didn't mind.

Penelope sighed. "Santana, you need to be at peace with yourself before you do anything else." Penelope took Santana's free hand and clutched it tightly. "Were you trying to kill yourself?"

"I don't know. No, it may look that way but I wasn't. I cut myself because the physically pain could dumb the emotionally ones for a bit. I thought taking the pills would do that too. I just wanted to feel a different type of pain for once." Santana sighed. "Do you know how hard it is to be so in love with a person but you can't do anything about it because no one else knows expect that other person. Sure, I could date Brittany in secret but that doesn't stop guys looking at her and trying to get with her. It doesn't stop the fact that I get jealous that a guy could walk down the hallway with Brittany, holding hands, and I still get nervous that someone will find out I held her hand under a fucking napkin." She put the mug down on the coffee table and put her head in between her knees.

Penelope tried to put pieces together but Santana's thoughts were so scattered and she couldn't think of anything to say. "Stay here for a while." She blurted out.

Santana's eyes widened. "What?"

"I want you so stay here, in my house, for a while, a week at most. I can call your parents if you're worried about it." Penelope replied, picking up her cell phone from the coffee table.

"No, don't call them! I'll stay. Thanks." Santana mumbled. She finished off her tea and furrowed her brow. "Why am I staying?"

"I know someone who can help you better than I can. My lack of homosexuality is kind of hard to relate to what you're going through." Penelope shrugged. Santana nodded, still not sure if staying with Penelope was a good job. "But if you stay here, you have to follow all my rules and my schedule. Okay?"

"Why not," Santana replied dryly. She got up and walked over to the staircase. "Where am I sleeping? I haven't gotten any sleep for the past few days." Penelope got up and walked up the stairs with Santana flanking her tail. Penelope opened the last door on the right and Santana had to do a double take at the girl lying on the bottom bed of a bunk bed.

Penelope's younger sister looked up and smiled. She got off the bed and fixed her green dress. "P, I thought we agreed you wouldn't keep bringing stray cats into the house." Marianna joked. Penelope let out a groan, as Marianna pushed past her sister and eyed Santana curiously. "You look so familiar." She mumbled.

"Mari, this is Stefan Lopez's daughter." Penelope replied, picking up a book by the door and placing it on the bookshelf. "She's going to stay with us for a week or so."

"Lopez…Stefan Lopez…" Marianna said to herself. Her green eyes grew three times her actual size. "Stefan Lopez as in Penelope's first boyfriend," Marianna exclaimed. She pulled Santana into the room and sat with her on the bottom bunk. "Did you know that Penelope was so obsessed with your father? It's so sad. She would come back from college on holidays and tell me, I was ten at the time so boys still have cooties and all…well they still do, but she would come home and tell me, 'There's this senior. His name is Stefan and I think he's the man of my dreams'. Then they dated for like a month and then I think your dad met your mom and P was history."

"Marianna, stop! You're making me sound crazy." Penelope whined, throwing a sock at Marianna's face, which she caught skillfully.

"You are crazy!" Marianna giggled. She looked back at Santana and smiled. "What's your name?"

"Santana,"

"Wow, that's such a pretty name." Marianna replied, biting her lip. "Do you like to be on top or bottom?"

"W-what?" Santana asked, getting nervous.

"Like on bunk beds?" Marianna clarified.

"Oh, bottom…" Santana replied anxiously.

"Perfect, I like the top." Marianna purred. Penelope cleared her throat and Marianna faced her sister. "What about her clothes?" Marianna asked. "She can borrow mine." Marianna placed her manicured nails on Santana's leg. "What are you like a size zero?"

"Size one…" Santana mumbled back.

"Yeah, you can so wear my clothes!" Marianna exclaimed.

"Marianna," Penelope said sternly. "Santana can get her own clothes."

Marianna pushed out her full, rouged bottom lip. "Oh boo, we can't play dress up." She replied coyly, glancing at Santana. Santana inched over to the other side of the bed. "Santana, I'm going to get changed and go to the supermarket. The TV's downstairs and the office is down the hall. Make yourself at home." Penelope said with a hospitable smile. Santana nodded while Penelope left the room. Marianna got up and grabbed handfuls of books off of the top bunk. Santana caught a glimpse of a DVD. "Evita..." Santana mumbled.

Marianna looked over at Santana and held up the DVD.

"What about it?" Marianna asked.

"It's my favorite." Santana replied.

"Mine too." Marianna agreed. She put the books down on the floor near her desk.

"Make those killer legs of yours useful." She eyed Santana's legs and she bit her bottom lip, flirtatiously. Marianna nodded toward the full top bunk. Santana got up and stood on the edge of the bed. She grabbed a handful of vintage magazines and books. Santana nearly dropped the books when she saw an old record.

"You have an Alanis Morissette record?" Santana exclaimed, picking up the record.

"Oh yeah. I should have No Doubt, Amy Winehouse, and some Beatles ones too." Marianna shrugged. "You like Alanis?" Santana nodded with excitement. She handed the record to Marianna. Marianna glided across the room over to her window seat. Beside plush, glittery pillows was an old record player. Marianna took the record out of its casing and placed it carefully on the player. Santana swayed and bopped her head. Marianna grinned at Santana and shimmied next to her.

Santana coughed, picked up a new set of books and magazines and put them on the floor. "So, uh, you said guys had cooties?" Santana asked.

Marianna agreed. "Not had but have."

Santana nodded. "Are you like...?"

"Gay?" Marianna finished. She ran her fingers through her mermaid hair. "Yeah."

"Oh, me too." Santana mumbled.

"I know," Marianna replied, putting her hair into a ponytail. She snaked her way over to Santana, standing by the desk. She licked her lips. "You got so uncomfortable when you saw me." Marianna purred. Santana got away from Marianna and went over to the window seat, looking at the record cover. "Do you have a girlfriend?" Marianna asked, sashaying over to her bunk. She knocked over cell phone on her bed and bent down slowly in her fitted shorts in front of Santana. "I'm such a klutz. But yeah, girlfriend or no girlfriend?"

Santana's eyes glazed over because she honestly didn't know. Brittany didn't care about her. Sure Santana loved Brittany but love is a two way street and Marianna was obviously showing some physical attraction to her. Marianna took a seat next to her and pushed a stray hair behind Santana's ear. "You are very beautiful." Marianna whispered, her fingers dancing along Santana's cuts. "So beautiful," She mumbled.

Santana gulped. Marianna's touch sent shivers down her spine and shocks that waved throughout her body. Santana looked at Marianna. Her bright red hair cascaded down to those green cat eyes which looked down at Santana's leg. Santana's eyes fell on Marianna's full, bow shaped lips. "About that girlfriend?" Marianna asked again. "Yes or no?" Marianna took her eyes off of Santana's leg and moved up her body to Santana's chest. Her polo was a bit tight and Santana noted that it was a little chilly. Marianna licked her lips as she noticed how pronounced Santana's nipples were.

"Yes, no, ugh, I don't know." Santana mumbled.

"It sounds like she hurt you." Marianna said, placing her hand on the upper part of Santana thigh, rubbing back and forth. "Do you want to get over her?" Santana's heart raced. She should just go for it. She could have a normal relationship with Marianna if she wanted to and Marianna showed interest in Santana. With that, Santana nodded.

Marianna put her hand underneath Santana's chin and pulled her face upward towards her lips. Marianna kissed passionately, moving her hands along Santana's body.

Marianna traced the outline of Santana's jaw and down towards the neck, sucking and nipping at Santana's skin, causing Santana to moan. Marianna stopped. She grabbed Santana's hand and brought her to the bottom bunk. Marianna threw Santana on to the bed and continued her work. She pulled Santana's polo over her head and kissed in between the valley of her breasts.

Santana's breath hitched when Marianna grabbed one in her hand and squeezed lightly. Marianna gingerly pulled Santana's shorts off and trailed kisses along the inside of her legs. "You okay?" Marianna asked. Santana's groan was an affirmative to go on. Marianna peeled off Santana's underwear, her fingers grazing Santana's lower abdomen.

As Marianna's fingers got closer and closer, Santana thought of Brittany. "Fuck." Santana said to herself. Marianna looked up and furrowed her brow. "Don't stop." Santana ordered. Marianna inserted in fingers inside. Brittany's eyes. Those azure blue orbs that made the sky jealous. Oh how they twinkled in the sun.

"No," Santana said, shaking her head. Marianna's fingers traced circles around a small nub. "Ay," Santana moaned. Her back arched at the touch and her hips canted.

Brittany's laugh. The way when she laughed people would stop and look to see where the laugh was coming from. It was infectious. The laugh of the angels. The laugh that gave Santana hope. "Stop," Santana replied. Marianna groaned and looked at Santana. She pulled Marianna on top of her and kissed her ferociously. "Again," She ordered.

Marianna smirked and went down between Santana's legs, using her tongue instead of her fingers. A wave of pleasure surged throughout her body. Santana reached down at Marianna's head and sighed. Brittany. Brittany. Brittany.

"Brittany," Santana moaned.

Marianna took her head out from between Santana's legs. "What did you just say?" Santana sat up and grabbed her polo. She tugged it over her head and reached on the floor for the rest of her clothes. "Baby, where are you going?" Santana put the remains of her clothes on. She paced back and forth in the room. Marianna got up and wrapped her arms around Santana's waist. "Is it that girlfriend of yours?" Marianna asked maliciously. Santana slunk her way out of Marianna's grip and nodded. "I told you, baby. I'll help you forget all about her."

Santana shook her head. "No, I love her. I can't just forget about her." Marianna's eyes narrowed and filled with rage.

"If you love her then why were you with me?" Marianna seethed. She took a step toward Santana, changing her tactics. "You taste...great." She purred. Marianna took Santana's face in her hands and kissed her again. Santana fought her initial instinct to melt in Marianna's arms right there. She pushed away from Marianna and shook her head violently. Marianna pouted again. "Come on, baby."

"I'm not your baby." Santana spat, exiting the room in a hazy mind, clouding with the images of her shattered relationship.


	6. Chapter 6

Santana wound up back home at Thursday night after wandering around Lima for what seemed like decades. She didn't know who she was looking for but she hoped that she would maybe see Puck or Mercedes and they would offer her a place to stay like they did for Quinn in her time of need but of course standing by the local Quinzos or the liquor store was pointless.

When Santana got home, her father was sitting in his usual chair in the living room, reading a medical journal he wrote. She shut the door quietly and gave him a two finger salute. "Hey," She said nonchalantly.

Her father got out of his chair and nearly ran over to her. "Santana, when did you get out?" He asked.

"This afternoon,"

"And you're getting back at two thirty?" He exclaimed. His voice was a mixed with concern and anger.

"I'm sorry. I went to go see Penelope Emerson." Santana replied, skipping past her father and going into the kitchen. "Where's mi madre?" She opened up the fridge and pulled out a container of guacamole. She opened up the bag of chips on the counter and ate.

"She's still mad about the other day. She went to a spa in Cleveland." Santana frowned and drove a chip into the guacamole. "Penelope Emerson?" Dr. Lopez asked, worriedly.

Santana nodded. "You sent me to her like in the beginning of the year." Dr. Lopez nodded and tapped his foot. He went into his liquor cabinet and poured himself some vodka. "Why so tense all of a sudden? I know you and her used to date. It's no big deal." Santana shrugged off.

"Right, yeah," Dr. Lopez agreed. He took a sip and fixed the glasses on the bridge of his nose. "What did you guys talk about if you don't mind me asking?"

"Not much, she asked me about school and stuff." Santana replied, not mentioning Marianna. She thought back to when Penelope told her not to keep her sexuality a secret. Now that the whole school would know and eventually her parents from that damn commercial, she ought to tell her dad. "Hey, papi, can I tell you something? It's like a secret." Santana asked hesitantly. Her father nodded, finishing the last of his vodka.

"I love someone very much." Santana said.

Her father looked at her with a furrowed brow. "Is it that Puckerman? I thought I told you not to see him. I still can't get that damn image of his bare ass out of my mind." Santana laughed to herself. She remembered sometime in junior year, she invited Puck over so they could sleep together. Her father walked in on them and forced Puck to leave. He barely got his pants on before he jumped out the window.

"No, it's someone else."

"Is it that Sam Evans?" Her father asked. "I heard about him. He came to the hospital in Columbus once because his sister had the flu."

"No," Santana shook her head. She took a deep breath and counted to three. "I love Brittany. I don't just love her. I'm in love with her." Dr. Lopez sucked in his lips and nodded slowly. "I've been dating her for a few months and I think I've ruined everything, daddy.

"I love her so much and I've fucked it up. I know I act like a bitch to everyone else but not with her and the other day I did. And when she stood up for herself, I got mad and I cheated on her." Santana blurted.

"You cheated on Brittany?" Dr. Lopez asked.

"I had sex with some girl." Santana clarified.

Dr. Lopez put his hands up in front of his face. "Ay dios mio, can we just pretend you're still pure? I can't even think of you doing anything like that with anyone…boy or girl."

"You're not mad?" Santana asked, scrunching up her face. "I thought you were all Rafael Arnaiz Baron." Santana noted because her father went to Church every Sunday. "By law in the Bible, you're like supposed to disown me or throw me out or call me the devil or something."

"How could I hate my own flesh and blood? How could I hate the little girl that I picked up when she fell off her bike for the first time? The little girl that was the best tulip in her ballet recital, you are the same girl that I saw develop into the beautiful woman that you are. You deserve all the best things, Santanita. I would give you the world but I'll start with giving you my blessing. Be who you want to be! Be you!" Her father replied with a smile. Santana's eyes teared up and she went over to her father. "Te quiero, mija." He took Santana in his arms and lifted her off the ground like he used to when she was half her size now.

"Te quiero mucho," Santana said in her father's shirt. "You're always there for me when no one is."

"I wouldn't be a father if I wasn't." He replied with a smile. "Now go, get some rest. You can stay home from school for a while if you want. Just make sure you get your books sent home, okay?" Dr. Lopez put Santana back on the floor and kissed her forehead.

He pushed her towards the stairs, Santana climbed them and looked down at her father at the base. "I always kind of knew, you know." He said. "About you and Brittany," Santana shrugged. "You look at her how I looked at your mother when we first met. It's love. Don't you forget it, mija."

* * *

><p>The next day, a Friday, Brittany walked into her first period Spanish class, hoping to see Santana in her usual seat in the first row. She called Santana's phone all night and tried the house phone, not expecting anyone to pick up. Santana wasn't there. Brittany took a seat next to Kurt and Blaine. Blaine smiled joyously at Brittany.<p>

No one from the school knew what was going on. Kurt grabbed Brittany's hand and kisses it. "She's gone." Brittany whispered. "I pushed her away. I should've never called her a brat."

Kurt sighed. He was getting tired of all this drama. Save it for the lack luster soap operas that the senior citizens watch, he thought. First they were madly in love, then Santana pushes, Brittany lashes out, Santana lashes out, Brittany's upset, Santana's upset, Santana's angry, Brittany think she did something wrong and keeps thinking that until Santana says otherwise. Then the cycle continues.

"She's gone? Where?" Kurt asked.

Brittany shook her head. She clicked her pen robotically, staring at the barren blackboard. "I don't know! If I knew she would be here!" Brittany replied, raising her voice. Blaine turned and looked at Brittany with surprise. Mike and Tina, who were joined at the hip, dropped their jaw simultaneously.

"Calm down, Britt."

Brittany slapped her pen on the desk. "Don't tell me to calm down! You don't know what I'm going through!" Brittany yelled. Mr. Shue looked over at the girl, who came into the classroom consistently happy, yelling. He eyed Kurt, trying to find out what was causing Brittany to be so upset. Kurt got up abruptly, grabbed Brittany's arm and pulled her into the hallway. Mr. Shue shut the door behind them as Kurt folded his arms.

Brittany let out a scream and she paced back and forth in the hallway. "Britt, calm down." Kurt said again.

"Don't tell me to fucking calm down again, Kurt." Brittany snapped back, wagging a finger at his Blaine-like bow tie.

"Why because I don't know what you're going through?" Kurt asked in his best girl voice. Brittany rolled her eyes. "Just tell me what happened?"

"She wasn't in the fucking hospital when I went there to apologize. She probably left because of what I said to her. Who knows where she could be! She could be dead right now." Brittany over exaggerated. She grasped her head in her hands and sank to the floor. "I did this to her! If she never met me none of this would have happened."

Kurt sighed and gingerly sat down next to Brittany. Well actually, he crouched down. He wasn't ruining his new cords. "If it wasn't you, it would have been someone else." Brittany looked up with wide, doe eyes. "Britt, stop blaming yourself. She'll come around. She's always had a soft spot for you." Kurt encouraged. He stood up and extended his hand towards Brittany. "Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Santana would kill me if she knew I was letting you mope around." Brittany smiled weakly and grabbed Kurt's hand.

* * *

><p>The weekend went unusually slow for Santana because she had nothing to do. Her father called Sue and said that Santana couldn't attend practice that Saturday or Sunday and Sue agreed with a bit of arguing. Santana managed to get her books from Kurt and he didn't say much when he showed up at her house. Dr. Lopez was usually on call for the hospital in Columbus so Santana was home by herself. Her mother stayed at the spa for the weekend and didn't bother to call.<p>

Sunday night, when Santana ate dinner by herself the doorbell rang. She got up and answered the door and was surprised at who she saw.

Shelby and Beth stood at her door. Actually Beth was cradled in Shelby's arms.

Shelby smiled warmly at Santana as she welcomed them inside. "Hey, look, I'm sorry for slapping Finn. I just-I-I don't know what came over me." Santana closed the door behind them and took them to the living room.

Shelby sat down and took off Beth's coat. She fished through a large duffel bag and took out a few plush dolls for Beth to play with. Beth giggled and ran around the living room, falling then getting up, falling then up again. "I didn't come to scold you about that Santana. I want to know how you are." Shelby replied, taking off her scarf.

"Why does everyone all of a sudden give a shit about how I feel now? No one did before!" Santana seethed. "After this blows over, no one will care about me anymore."

Santana rejected Shelby's attempts to figure her out. So Shelby changed topics. "Sectionals are coming up. Do you have any idea what you want to sing?" Shelby asked. "I need to know soon so Brittany could start the choreography." Santana tensed up at the sound of Brittany's name. "I was wondering if you wanted to help her with it. She's been kind of distracted lately."

"She's smart. She can figure it out." Santana replied flatly. Beth tapped lightly on Santana's knee and lifted her arms up.

"She wants you to pick her up." Shelby said, nodding. Santana pulled her lips over to the side. She'd never actually held a baby before. No one in her family would let her. Beth smiled like a Cheshire cat and wiggled her arms like Santana did when she danced. "She saw you do that one day and now she can't stop doing it." Shelby said. "Go on,"

Santana knelt down and picked up Beth under her arms. She kept one hand by Beth's head and the other by her legs. Santana bopped up and down like she saw mothers do to their babies. Beth giggled and ran her tiny fingers over Santana's face and settled on her nose. Santana ran her fingers through Beth's tiny curls and put her forehead against the little girl's. Beth kissed Santana on the nose and giggle loudly.

"She likes you." Shelby said. "Beth, can you say Santana?" Shelby asked in a sweet voice. Beth furrowed her brow at Shelby like Quinn and looked back at Santana. "She can say 'I love you' on good days." Shelby informed. "Come on, Beth, say Santana."

Shelby pointed at Santana so Beth would know who she was talking about.

Beth pointed at Santana with her tiny pointer finger. "Santana," Shelby coaxed.

Beth put her hand on her mouth and hit it lightly. "Tana!" She giggled. Santana opened her mouth in shock and Beth stuck her tiny little fingers in. Santana pretended like she was eating Beth's fingers which got even more giggles from Beth. "Tana!" Beth said again.

Shelby kisses Beth on the head. "Where's the bathroom?" Shelby asked.

"Upstairs, it's the last door on the right." Santana said. Shelby patted Beth on the head and went up the stairs. Santana smiled at Beth. "Can I tell you a secret?" She asked.

Beth raised her eyebrows and poked at Santana's nose. "I like girls but not just in a friendly way. I love a girl." Santana said, bopping Beth up and down and twirling in the living room. "I'm gay." Santana whispered. "You don't mind do you?"

Beth shook her head and clapped her hands as if to congratulate her. "Tana," Beth said. Santana nodded and Beth kissed her on the cheek. "Wuv you."

A tear streamed down Santana's face and Beth wiped it away. "Tana…" Beth started and she gestured a tear motion on her own ivory cheek.

Santana shook her head. "I'm happy. You're not so bad, squirt." Santana replied with a smile.

"Wuv you." Beth said again. Love you.

* * *

><p>Brittany sat home alone that Sunday night. She had spent the day with Kurt and Blaine, listening to them talk about who would be the best person to do a Gypsy revival. Brittany opened up her Facebook and rubbed Lord Tubbington, who was resting on her lap. She checked Santana's profile. Everything seemed the same. Same profile picture: Santana and Puck holding red cups-like that wasn't obvious-smiling drunkenly at the camera. Santana looked beautiful in the picture. Puck was another story. Santana's last status was: Finn Hudson, you've been blacklisted. It was posted before Santana agreed to be nice to him, before he outed her, before all of this happened. When the only reason why Santana disliked him was because he was a nuisance. Mercedes, Sugar, Shelby and even Azimo liked it.<p>

Brittany sighed and clicked on Shelby's profile and her heart stopped. Shelby just uploaded a picture of Beth-not unusual-but the other person tagged in it was. Santana. It was a picture of Santana holding Beth up like she was the world's biggest diamond, smiling, while Beth held her itty bitty baby fingers out, reaching for Santana's nose. The caption tugged on Brittany's heart strings. 'My two beautiful girls'.

Brittany smiled at the picture because Santana looked so happy. She thought she was the only one who made Santana that happy but no, another blonde girl filled that void that Brittany caused. Brittany's smile faded and she closed the picture. She was only making herself feel worse. Her aunt, Phoebe, always told her 'if you want a change, go do something; don't sit on your ass and whine about it'.

"Tomorrow," Brittany promised.

* * *

><p><strong>Here's a long-ish update to compensate for my lack of updating. Make sure to review and check out my other story I'm working on. x <strong>


	7. Chapter 7

Monday morning, Santana got up and got dressed like it was any other school day. She went downstairs and saw her father in his usual spot in the kitchen, reading the paper. He looked up at her. "You're going to school?" He asked. Santana nodded and picked an apple off the table. "That's fine with me." Dr. Lopez agreed. "You need a ride?"

Santana shook her head. "I'll take my car." Santana kissed her father on the cheek and ran down the hall.

"You mean _my_ car!" Dr. Lopez shouted after her. Santana locked the door behind her and hopped into the Range Rover in the drive way. She was a bit excited to go to school because her days home alone did nothing for her. The car ride to school was rather enjoyable. Santana sang along to the songs on the radio when it hit her. "Fuck!" She said to herself.

Her first period class was Spanish with Brittany. She didn't know how she was going to approach Brittany, if at all. Santana knew that when she saw those captivating turquoise eyes that she would immediately "forget" to tell Brittany what happened between her and Marianna. But she had to own up to it. It was her mistake.

* * *

><p>Brittany got to Spanish class early to get her usual seat. She even saved one for Santana in hopes that she would come. Mr. Shue smiled at her when he entered the room with his mug filled with sweet smelling coffee. Brittany busied herself with some geometry homework she didn't finish and going over Cheerio routines in her head.<p>

Cluster by cluster, kids started to fill the classroom. Rory attempted to sit next to her but she shook her head and said that the seat was taken. Brittany's sure that he got suspicious when it was five minutes into class and no one sat down next to her.

Ten minutes into class and Santana rushes through the door. "Hey, Mr. Shue," She waved at him nonchalantly. Mr. Shue averted his eyes from the blackboard and over to Santana, who was looking for any other seat than besides the one next to Brittany.

"It's nice to see you've joined us, Santana. Were you sick on Friday?" Mr. Shue asked.

Santana scoffed and flopped down in the seat next to Brittany. "If that's what you want to call it." She replied, taking a notebook out of her book bag and started to write down the verbs being conjugated on the board even though she didn't need to. Spanish was Santana's free period so Brittany knew since Santana was doing work, she didn't want to be bothered. Brittany lightly tapped Santana on the leg but Santana moved it away.

"San," Brittany whispered. Santana moved her chair farther away from Brittany, making a loud screeching noise.

Mr. Shue spun around and glared at Santana. "Sorry," Santana replied with a sweet smile. Mr. Shue nodded and finished writing down the verbs and saying them simultaneously.

"San," Brittany whispered again. "Look, I'm sorry. You're not any of those things that I've said to you." Santana glanced quickly over at Brittany. Her azure orbs were growing larger than usual. Santana nodded. "I love you." Brittany whispered even lower, covering her mouth and bending over to Santana's ear so no one would hear.

Santana's heart ached. She couldn't be mad at Brittany for too long. It was above her emotional capacity. She knew, however, that the love Brittany is feeling for her now will soon deplete into nothingness.

* * *

><p>Santana raced out of Spanish class and to her locker on the other side of the school. Brittany's long, swift legs caught up to her. "You're still pissed?" Brittany asked, putting her back against the locker's by Santana's and turning her head to face her girlfriend.<p>

Santana shook her head. "Then why are you avoiding me? I know I shouldn't have said those things and I'm sorry. I want to make things right. I know what you mean now. People don't appreciate you because they think you're this or you're that but I know better. I know who you really are. I know what makes you laugh. I know your favorite movie. I know where you have that secret beauty mark that you're secretly embarrassed about. I know you and I know that what I said hurt you. I'm just asking for your forgiveness. If you don't want to be my girlfriend, I get it. But please, don't avoid me."

Santana's mind fogged over and she shook her head, thinking that would organize the thoughts swimming around her head. Brittany rambled on and on, her voice rising and falling with emotion. "Stop," Santana exclaimed. "I cheated on you, dammit."

Brittany's jaw dropped and she stared blankly at Santana. Brittany's beautiful faced filled with anger but shortly after, changed to acceptance. "When was it?" Brittany asked calmly.

"Friday," Santana replied. "With my therapist's younger sister," Brittany took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"I get it. You were still mad at me for what I said to you and you took your anger out in a different way." Brittany rationalized. "I forgive you."

Santana slammed her locker shut and glared at Brittany. "No, Britt, that's not how it works! You're supposed to say you hate me and that you never want to see me again. Then you run off and realize that you're too good for me because you are. And then you get someone else. And whenever we see each other again, you'll be reminded of that time that I cheated on you and you'll hate me even more. Just get mad at me!" Santana shouted.

People in the hallway paid no attention to Santana's shouts because she did that every other day. It was like white noise. Brittany smiled to herself and shook her head. "San, I could never hate you. I love you and we can grow from this. I promise you."

"No, Brittany, yell at me! Stop being so fucking nice. You're too good for me. Why don't you realize that? You could do so much better." Santana said in a hushed voice. Her voice cracked and her eyes welled with tears.

Brittany extended her arms and Santana fell into them, crying. "Baby, I love you for you." Brittany whispered, kissing Santana on the head. "You're perfect to me in every way. I wouldn't change you." Santana looked up through her thick eyelashes at Brittany, who was smiling down at her. "I'm going to take you home. It's too soon." Brittany replied. She grabbed Santana's hand and walked her to the school parking lot. It was too soon.

* * *

><p>Brittany and Santana went back to Santana's house. Much to Santana's surprise, her mom wasn't home yet (sarcasm). She knew her father was in Columbus for the week because he had to do open heart surgery there. Brittany and Santana had the house to themselves. They went up to Santana's room and Brittany closed the door behind her. "Don't you dare pull what you did last time we were here!' Brittany warned.<p>

Santana collapsed on her bed and agreed. Brittany came up behind her and wrapped her arms around Santana's small waist. She placed her head delicately on top of Santana's and rocked her back and forth. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away." Brittany sang. She kissed Santana's earlobe and sang it again.

Santana closed her eyes and grabbed Brittany's hand in her own. She let Brittany's voice engulf her and she wished this moment could stay forever. "I think we were meant to find each other, like the cosmos drew us together. We're like soul mates." Brittany whispered.

"We're definitely a weird pair of soul mates." Santana joked. Brittany pouted at Santana's words and Santana playfully bit Brittany's lower lip. Brittany scrunched up her face and hit Santana with her free hand. "Britt, when does the commercial air?" Santana asked.

"Sometime next week" Brittany answered. her voice was barely a whisper.

"I'm not ready yet." Santana said, while shutting her eyes closed.

"Me either," Brittany replied, kissing Santana's cheek. "One day at a time, right?"

* * *

><p>When Santana came back the next Monday, she was charted away into Figgin's office to discuss the slap. She was prepared to be suspended and truthfully, she wanted to be. She wanted to hide in her room forever knowing that the commercial that would change her life was airing this week. She assumed the people who didn't have cable saw it on Sunday. She walked down the halls and noticed how girls would try and cover themselves up if they were wearing tight shirts or how boys would stare at her with a misogynistic and predatorial edge. They wanted to capture her and live out their fantasies with her. They wanted to be primal and aggressive with her. She saw the way teachers looked at her now, knowingly. Like they knew all along that she preferred the taste of lip gloss instead of the after taste of sloppy joes and beer. Santana saw it all.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Tell me what you think and make sure to check out my other story that I posted. x <strong>

**PS I'm in the midst of writing a Heya and a Pezberry fanfiction, if you have any interest message me. Byeee **


	8. Chapter 8

It was day two in Lady Music week. She instantly didn't like the idea of everyone trying to sympathize with her. Santana didn't need anyone's pity especially none from the beached whale she stripped of its innocence two years ago. She didn't like how they were acting like they cared about her when all they wanted from her was someone to help layer the numerous solos Rachel got. What she really wanted was a couple of drinks and a good fuck.

Santana originally was sitting next to Brittany but Puck picked her up and sat her down in a chair between all the boys. She immediately felt like a lamb in the middle of a group of hungry lions. Santana looked back at Brittany and pouted. She stuck her hand out for Brittany, pretending like the blonde was just out of her reach. Brittany giggled behind her. Finn stood in the front of the choir room and blabbered about something and nothing. Then Brad started playing the piano and Finn began to sing along with it. At first Santana didn't recognize the song because it was slowed down but then it hit her. Finn pulled a chair in front of Santana and sat down parallel to her. "_Some boys take a beautiful girl and they hide her away from the rest of the world_." Finn sang slowly. The sincerity in Finn's voice made Santana's hardest of hearts weaken. She looked around and heard all the boys harmonizing with Finn.

Santana looked back at Brittany with a look that only Brittany could decipher. Brittany nodded truthfully and smiled at Santana. Santana took a deep breath, trying to stop the tears from coming. "_But not me, I wanna be the one in the sun. Oh, girls, they wanna have fun._" Finn sang. Santana bit down on her bottom lip and let a single tear well on her lash line. Even though she wanted to hate him, she couldn't. This was the first time someone actually sang a song for her and it made her feel appreciated and cared for.

Finn stopped singing and smiled at Santana. He shrugged and got out of his seat. "Hey," Santana called out after him, pulling his back by the arm. Finn stopped and focused his gaze back on Santana. She stood up and wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you," She said.

"I love you, Santana." He replied back. Mr. Shue dismissed the glee clubs and Santana left with Finn. They didn't talk on their way to the school parking lot. "I'm really sorry, you know. I had no idea about the commercial. It was sort of stupid to say something like that in school."

"You think?" Santana shot back. She realized how malicious her tone was and tweaked it down some. "If it wasn't for the commercial, I don't know how long I would have stayed in the closet. I told Brittany a whole bunch of times that I would come out for her but I was scared. Just because I'm 'popular' doesn't mean that being gay will be somewhat socially acceptable, you know?"

Finn stopped in front of Santana's car and nodded. "Have you told your parents?" He asked.

"Yeah, my dad, he's okay with it." Santana answered, neglecting to mention her mom. Finn picked up on that and didn't bother to ask.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Finn said and Santana nodded in agreement. "I'm really sorry. I'm a bit of an ass." Finn admitted. Santana laughed, a genuine one, and pulled Finn in for another hug.

"But you can be a good guy… _sometimes_." Santana whispered. Finn kissed her on the head and opened her car door for her. She got in, fired up the engine, and exited the parking lot, waving from the driver's seat window.

* * *

><p>Brittany raced after Puck when Mr. Shue dismissed the two glee clubs. She saw Santana go with Finn and she decided it would be best for them to talk by themselves. Brittany pushed past lingering freshmen and faculty members until she saw Puck getting his bag out of his locker. "Puck," Brittany called out.<p>

Puck looked up and smiled at Brittany. "Hey, what's up?" Puck stood up straight and threw his bag over his shoulder. He nodded for Brittany to walk with him. She linked arms with him and they strolled down the hallway.

"I want to sing a song sometime this week for Santana and I was wondering if you could help me with it?" Brittany asked, looking up at Puck.

"Sure, no problem, I'll come over to yours on Thursday to practice, okay?" Puck replied with a smile. Brittany pecked him on the cheek and ran in the opposite direction towards the school parking lot.

* * *

><p>Brittany and Rory sat quietly in Brittany's room Thursday night. She called Santana before she went to grandmother's house for some words of encouragement. Now, Brittany sat at her desk, looking at the lyrics of the song she was singing for her girlfriend. Brittany glanced over at Rory, who was unusually quiet seeing that he couldn't shut up about the girls' impromptu "I Kissed a Girl" number.<p>

"Is that why you left the New Directions? Was it because of Santana?" Rory asked.

Brittany sighed; she thought they already went over this. "Yeah, she is my girlfriend." Brittany answered proudly. Rory's head sank and he continued to do his French homework.

Brittany focused back on the lyrics and skimmed them over in her head when the doorbell rang. "Puck's coming over, so you might not be able to concentrate in here." Brittany shooed. Rory nodded pathetically and went to the guest room.

Brittany went downstairs and opened the door for Puck. He stood there carrying his guitar and wearing a smile. "Ready?" He asked, holding his guitar case up. Brittany nodded and guided Puck up the stairs, as he kicked the front door shut.

Puck sat on her bed and Lord Tubbington hissed at him. "Lord Tubbington, be nice!" Brittany scolded. She picked up the morbidly obese cat and kissed him on the head. Lord Tubbington escaped her grasp while Brittany brought her laptop over to the bed. She pointed to the lyrics on the screen. "This is the song I want to sing for her."

"I like it." Puck encouraged. "Sing it and I'll play along." Brittany nodded and started to sing the song. Puck listened to Brittany with his eyes closed and his fingers forming chords. When Brittany finished, she smiled.

"That was great! She'll love it." Brittany beamed. "She'll absolutely love it." Brittany clapped excitedly.

Puck propped his guitar on the side of the bed and nodded. "Yeah, I bet." Brittany put her laptop back on her desk and checked her phone. No new messages from Santana. That must mean that things are going well at her grandmother's house. "Where's Santana? I thought she would be here since you guys are like spiritually connected or whatever." Puck noticed.

"She's at her grandmother's house." Brittany replied, sitting back down on the bed. "Finn said everyone knew about Santana being a lesbian. Is that true?"

"Well I knew." Puck replied bluntly. "I knew since like sophomore year after she dumped me, which is still a huge blow to my ego, by the way!"

Brittany furrowed her brow, deep in thought. "If you knew she was a lesbian, why did you sleep with her all the time?" Brittany asked, remembering the times in sophomore year when she would get jealous that Santana was in the curvature of Puck's sheets rather than hers.

"Puckasaurus doesn't discriminate with the ladies." Puck replied arrogantly. "To be honest, I lied. I didn't actually figure it out until we had our threesome. It was like I was just there and you two were just going at it. That was so hot, by the way."

Brittany hit Puck with a pillow repeatedly until he begged for mercy. Brittany placed the pillow back in its original spot on her bed and checked her nails. "I don't get you, Britt." Puck started. "You could have anyone you wanted. You're nice, popular, and easy on the eyes. Out of all people, you chose the equally hot but bitchy Santana. I don't get it."

Brittany's eyes met Puck's as she pondered Puck's statement, even though she didn't have to think about it for too long. "She may act a certain way to everyone else but when it's me and her alone," Brittany bit her lip and blushed. She looked down, trying to conceal her smile. A brilliant image of Santana formed in the forefront of Brittany's mind. She saw the way Santana's face scrunched when she smiled really hard or when she sucked on her teeth in confusion. She saw how Santana's mouth would curl into a half smile when she got an answer right in class. She saw the way her eyes danced with such a life when she was proud of something she did. Brittany only saw Santana's eyes that when Santana said she loved Brittany. This time, it was at Santana's house. No one was there and Santana could proclaim to the couple square feet that was her room that she was in love with Brittany S. Pierce. "I see this other side of her. She's so beautiful. She couldn't be more perfect for me."

* * *

><p><strong>Hey guys, I'm pretty much done with the story but I'm vacillating whether I should change the ending or not. But again, sorry for taking so long to update. <strong>


	9. Chapter 9

Santana returned home from her grandmother's house late that night. Her breaths were heavy and irregular after her hyperventilating in the car. Her eyes were red, puffy and sore, inhibiting her to see up the stairs to the second floor. Santana clawed her way up the stairs to her parent's bedroom. "Daddy," Santana called out into the darkness.

"Your father is in Columbus, Santana." Her mother replied back. "What is it?" There was harshness in her tone but it wasn't the same fiery tone that Santana heard back in the hospital room.

Santana kicked off her heels, felt her way to the edge of the bed farthest away from her mother, and sat down gingerly. She grabbed her face in her heads and cried softly to herself. "Mija, are you crying?" Her mother sat up and put a hand on her daughter's shoulder. "What's wrong? Where have you been?"

"Do you hate me?" Santana asked, neglecting to answer the other questions. "Is that why you left me? Are you leaving me forever?" Santana cried. Her mother wrapped her arms around Santana. "I'm sorry, mama. I'm so sorry. I'll bring that girl back. I'll give you the old me back. I swear. Don't leave me, I need you. I need my mom!" Santana buried her head into her mom's chest and cried. "Don't leave me, please. Please," Santana begged.

"Tell me what's wrong, Santana." Her mother stated firmly, getting out of the bed and sitting down next to her daughter.

"Everything," Santana shouted back. "Abuela hates me. You hate me. The person who loves me the most shouldn't because I don't deserve it. I don't deserve happiness because I've ruined people's lives."

"Mija, tell me what happened." Mrs. Lopez said again, getting more irritated because Santana wouldn't answer her questions.

"Like you care, you said that you hated me." Santana tested, escaping her mother's grip.

Mrs. Lopez grabbed her daughter's hand and squeezed it because they couldn't visibly see each other. "Santana, you are my little girl, my mija. I couldn't hate you even if I tried. I look at you and I see me. When you were in that hospital bed, I couldn't get past the idea of you dying without a part of me dying, as well." Mrs. Lopez said. "Forgive me, Santana. What I said was wrong. I realize that now. You are my everything."

Santana's eyes widened. "You're asking for my forgiveness?" Her mother rubbed her thumb over Santana's hand as a confirmation. "When I've been so rude and inconsiderate?" Santana questioned.

"I accept your flaws, mija. Say you accept mine." Mrs. Lopez's voice wavered.

"Always," Santana replied, wiping her eyes with her free hand. She took a deep breath, bracing herself. "Mama, I have to ask you to accept something else of me." Santana whispered. "I'm in love with Brittany. She's a girl and I'm a girl. I'm a lesbian, Mom. One woman in my life couldn't accept that and I pray that the other will."

Mrs. Lopez's grip on Santana's hand weakened and Santana prepared herself to hear more yelling even though she couldn't bare more shouts in one night. "The sin is not in the thing but in the scandal." Abuela's voice rang in Santana's head. She shook her head violently to get the poisonous words from her brain but it only caused them to ring even more shrilly than before. "When people talk about it aloud," The voice cackled.

Santana fought the voice inside her head. She couldn't let the demons inside her control her mind forever. It was time she fought back. "I get so angry with world because I'm really angry with myself. I've tried to convince myself that this was a phase and I would grow out of it but every time I see Brittany, I know it's not a phase. It's real. What I have with her is the closest thing I have to magic. I love her, Mom, with every fiber of my being. With her, I feel happy. I think I'm on my way to deserving it." Santana said back.

Mrs. Lopez's cheeks rose in satisfaction as she gripped her daughter's hand again. "That's all I want for you. I want you to be happy. If Brittany makes you happy, that's all I need." Mrs. Lopez replied. "Now let me see that beautiful daughter of mine." Mrs. Lopez reached over to her nightstand and turned on the lamp.

Santana squinted as her eyes adjusted to the bright light. Her mother smiled at Santana and grabbed her face in her hands. Mrs. Lopez planted a kiss on her forehead and held her close. Santana felt at ease for only a moment. The fact that Mrs. Lopez accepted that Santana was a lesbian was settling but the idea that Brittany didn't call once after she left her Abuela's house made Santana's skin crawl and her blood boil.

* * *

><p>Santana and Brittany skipped third period, the class right before glee club. They shut the doors behind them and sat next to the piano, not talking. Brittany sighed and put her head on Santana's shoulder, tracing designs on Santana's bare thigh. "That guy tried asking me out again." Santana admitted.<p>

_When Santana went to her locker to put her things away before she met with Brittany, that damn sophomore rugby captain was waiting for her. "How did you even find my locker?" Santana asked him. _

_ "I tend to do some research on the girls I'm interested in." He answered back. He took a step towards her and placed his hand on the small of her back. "Come on, baby, just one date. I'll rock your world." He said arrogantly, fixing his collar with his free hand. "I like a challenge." _

_ Santana pushed him off of her and grimaced at him. "Look, you might be a nice kid when you're not a douche bag." Santana snapped back, opening her locker. _

_ "So is that a yes?" He asked. She put her books inside and slammed her locker shut, letting the noise ring through the hallway._

_ "No," Santana laughed. _

_ "I asked around about you. You're the infamous Santana Lopez: one of the only girls in all of Ohio that never says no." He said, grabbing her arm. _

"_Even if I were straight, you wouldn't stand a chance." Santana leaned in closer to his ear. "You're just a boy and I want a woman." She whispered, coming to grips with who she was and feeling proud of it. Santana turned on her heel and marched down the hallway, her hips oscillating. _

"Well, what'd you say?" Brittany asked, looking up at Santana.

"I said no. I want to be in a monogamous relationship for once." Santana said with a smile.

"What's that mean?" Brittany asked, furrowing her brow in thought.

"It means I just want you." Santana replied, kissing Brittany lightly on the lips. Brittany grabbed Santana's face in her hands, deepening the kiss. Brittany's nimble fingers pulled Santana's hair out of its ponytail. Her raven waves cascaded down her shoulders as Brittany grabbed a lock of it in her hands.

Brittany pulled away and rested her forehead against Santana's and smiled. "Ditto," Brittany kissed Santana again, biting the brunette's bottom lip.

"Ow," Santana pouted. Brittany giggled and put her head back on Santana's shoulder. "Britt, where were you last night?" Santana asked.

"Home, why?"

"Why didn't you call me? You didn't leave a text message or anything." Santana's voice cracked.

Brittany sat up and looked at Santana, confused. "I didn't call last night because I thought it was going well with your grandmother." Brittany's eyes watered, in fear of what might come next.

"No, it wasn't going well, Britt. She never wants to see me again and all I wanted was for you to call me. I just wanted to know that you were thinking about me when I was there." Santana mumbled, a darkness coming through.

Brittany fumbled to grab Santana's hand. "I _was_ thinking about you. I never stop thinking about you. I just didn't call because I thought you and Alma were fine." Brittany reassured. "You can't get mad at me. I had no idea she would get angry with you."

"She never wants to see me again, Brittany." Santana whimpered. "And all I wanted was to go home, check my phone, and at least see that you tried to call me or text me, asking if things went well but whatever you were doing was much more important." Santana spat.

Brittany pouted and reached for Santana's hand again. "I was going to call, I swear I was. I was with Puck and things sort of got tied up…" Brittany mumbled, biting down anxiously on her lip.

"You were with Puck?" Santana asked harshly. Brittany nodded dumbly, shutting her eyes. "Why? Nothing good comes out of hanging out with Puck! Did you sleep with him? I knew you always did or at least wanted to."

She got up and sat down on one of the chairs on the opposite side of the room when the rest of the glee clubs came in. "I didn't do anything with him." Brittany said, finally but Santana shooed her away. "Just go away, Britt." Santana said weakly.

Brittany took a seat farthest away from Santana but still kept a watchful eye on her. Puck sat next to Brittany and nudged her in the rib, smiling. Brittany feigned enthusiasm as she nodded. Mr. Shue wrote 'Lady Music' back on the white board and waved at Santana, who was sulking in her seat next to Mercedes.

Brittany stood up and cleared her throat. "Mr. Shue, I have a song I want to sing." Mr. Shue beckoned for Brittany to take center stage. She grabbed two stools but told Puck to stand while he played. "I'm going to sing 'Collide' by Howie Day." Brittany told her peers.

They looked around at each other with furrowed brows. "Brittany, that's a lovely song but it doesn't fit the criteria for this week. It's a song sung by a man." Rachel pointed out.

"Well, I'm a girl singing this song for a girl, so I think it works." Brittany corrected Rachel and sat down on the small black stool. She looked over at Santana, who wasn't paying much attention to Brittany but to her nails. "This is for my girlfriend Santana. We had one hell of a week, didn't we? I know you feel the world is against you and I know you feel like no one cares but you're blind because I'm here for you. We're all here for you." Brittany spread her arms out, gesturing to everyone in the choir room.

They looked up at Santana and smiled. Mercedes rubbed Santana's cut up leg and Santana pushed her chair further away from the group. Brittany looked over at Puck and nodded. "_The dawn is breaking, a light shining through. You're barely waking and I'm tangled up in you." _Brittany sang as she looked over at Santana. Her girlfriend had her chin in the air as she looked out the window. "_I'm open, you're closed. Where I'll follow, you'll go. I worry I won't see your face light up again!" _Brittany got up and walked over to Santana, reaching for her hand. "_Even the best fall down sometimes, even the wrong words seem to rhyme," _Santana looked at Brittany out of the corner of her eye, tears welling in their ducts. "_Out of the doubt that fills my mind, I, somehow, find you and I collide._ _I'm quiet, you know. You make a first impression. I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind. Even the best fall down sometimes, even the stars refuse to shine. Out of the back, you fall in time. I, somehow, find you and I collide._"

Brittany grabbed Santana's hand and kissed it. "_Don't stop here. I lost my place. I'm close behind." _Santana faced Brittany and smiled, a tear streaming down her cheek. Mercedes put her hand on Santana's shoulder, harmonizing with Brittany. "_Even the best fall down sometimes, even the wrong words seem to rhyme. Out of the doubt that fills your mind, you finally find you and I collide. You finally find you and I collide." _

Puck played the last measure of music and everyone in the choir room erupted in applause. Santana got out of her seat and embraced Brittany. "I'm sorry," She whispered.

"Don't be." Brittany replied back, kissing Santana's head. "I love you,"

Santana stood on her tiptoes, being balanced by Brittany's strong hands around her waist, and kissed Brittany in front of everyone. "I know," Santana breathed and this time, she was actually starting to believe it.

* * *

><p><strong>FIN<strong>

**I hope you guys liked it and I'm working on other pieces as well. **


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